What do you think of when you first read the word problems? Money, relationships, family, work, car, house, yourself? If you’re like me all of these different problems slap you in the face when you read that word. Your palms might start sweating and your heart might beat a little faster while you think about all the things you need to fix but you just … can’t. And if you’re like me, you also look for someone to tell your problems to. So, what do you do when that person you confide in responds with something along the lines of “it could be worse” or “you should realize how lucky you are.”

If you’re like me, your first thought might be “fuck you” (probably don’t say this part aloud) followed by anger and tuning out everything else the other person is saying. Why do people say this? Why can’t my emotional baggage and problems be just that, my problems. Everyone always wants to talk about how we shouldn’t compare money, bodies, jobs, opportunities, etc. But when it comes to problems all of a sudden it’s you against the other seven billion people in the world. And let’s be honest…. it’s really hard to compete with the starving kids in Africa.

My suggestion, to myself and everyone else who has this problem, is to own your fucking problems. Let that baggage be as heavy as it needs to be and unpack it when you’re ready. I don’t mean you have to sit in a pit of despair and only think about the people who have wronged you. However, I do mean that you’re allowed to feel what you feel no matter how big or small it seems to other people. You have money problems? That fucking sucks, feel it anyways. You have relationship problems? Cry as much as you need and don’t listen to a single person that says “you did this to yourself” (even if there’s a slight chance you did). You hate your job, your car won’t start and the house is a pig sti? It is okay to feel whatever way you feel, stressed, angry, sad, hopeless, however it comes.

I am tired of people ranting and raving about everyone picking everyone else up. The truth is, when it comes time for everyone to listen to someone else talk about their issues we can’t be objective listeners. I think that’s pretty shitty of us, I mean who are we to tell our best friend “honestly, it’s not that bad”. Do you think that’s helpful? I sure don’t. Next time someone comes to you with a problem, even if you think it’s so small that it would make a single speck of sand look huge, listen anyways. And I meant actually listen. Don’t sit there and half-ass it. Imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes, consider that maybe this one single problem is affecting their entire life in ways you can’t see. And then, let that person have their problems. Consider language like “I can see how that might be difficult for you.” or “wow, you’re really strong for being able to deal with all of that.”

It’s not a competition of whose life is the shittiest. But we all have really shitty things happen to us. We should be able to talk to each other and feel safe, rather than afraid or belittled. Be someone’s listener, find your own listener. We are all humans, and all humans have problems. Own them.