Author: emmapace

Thoughts on… “Shoulding on Yourself”

Thoughts on… “Shoulding on Yourself”

by emmapace ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Yep. You read that right. “Shoulding on yourself.” Not “shitting” on yourself. Generally the same idea, but with a very interesting twist. Before I dive into what this means, I would like to thank my professor Dr. Robitschek for sharing this interesting cognitive tool.

So, what does it mean? Think about it… how many times a day to you say “I should be doing ‘x'” or “You should….” or “He/She should…” should, SHoUlD SHOULD. After typing that three times you began to realize how oddly words are spelled but whatever! MOVING ON. The idea behind this tool is that you will retrain your brain to stop using the word “should”. It is ridiculous to think that you will be able to eliminate this word from your vocabulary completely (I know) however, you might be able to seriously cut back on your use of it.

That’s right, I’m talking about everyone’s most (or least) favorite form of therapy… C B T ! (hold for applause). Yeah yeah, we all know it’s everywhere. And if you don’t know… boy do I have some news for you. Almost every single therapy has some tie to CBT whether we choose to admit/ recognize it or not. Anytime you want to switch up something you do, you are confronting your negative actions/ thoughts, and retraining your brain to do better. That my friends, is the quick and easy version of CBT.

“How do we stop “shoulding on ourselves”?”, you ask? Well, I’m still questioning that myself. I have tried to start from the bottom. Anytime I think “damn I really should get myself out of bed and take a shower” I have tried to replace it with “it might be more beneficial if I get out of bed right this second and bathe myself, but the world probably won’t come to an end if I lay here for another 5 minutes.” I realize that this application won’t work in every situation. Like, when someone is on the floor dripping blood and you think “Gosh, someone really should call the ambulance”. YES, you are correct. Drop the should and actually call the damn ambulance, please!

But this is more about those little things, the one’s we make ourselves feel guilty for doing, or not doing. I should call my mom. Guilt. I should get a job. Guilt. I should, I should, I should. Guilt, guilt and more guilt. Who likes to feel guilty? Not me, that’s for damn sure. And yet, I feel guilty all the freaking time because I feel obligated to do all of these things and when I don’t do them…I get angry with myself. On my calendar I have in big red letters “call practicum sites”. Well, thats been on my list of things to do every Wednesday and Friday for the past 4 weeks. To be honest, I am tired of feeling like a p.o.s because I feel like I should call. To fix my issue I have decided, I will get to it when I can and when I am ready. Maybe there is a reason I haven’t called yet. Do I: feel nervous or unprepared, feel afraid of making this become a reality, feel like I will try to back out of my obligations? Yes, all of the above. So instead of forcing myself into something at the risk of not completing the task to the best of my ability… I threw should in the trash and decided that… I’ll do it when I am ready.

At the end of the day, those little sneaky should moments always creep in like the cockroach we all fear and wish would go extinct. The point of ceasing the “shoulding on yourself” is to squash that f*cking cockroach (or “should”) before it starts to fly. Throw should in the trash, free yourself of guilt, and do things when you can. Life won’t come to an end if you don’t do all of the things right away, I promise (kind of).
NO. MORE. SHOULDS!

Thoughts On… Problems.

Thoughts On… Problems.

by emmapace ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What do you think of when you first read the word problems? Money, relationships, family, work, car, house, yourself? If you’re like me all of these different problems slap you in the face when you read that word. Your palms might start sweating and your heart might beat a little faster while you think about all the things you need to fix but you just … can’t. And if you’re like me, you also look for someone to tell your problems to. So, what do you do when that person you confide in responds with something along the lines of “it could be worse” or “you should realize how lucky you are.”

If you’re like me, your first thought might be “fuck you” (probably don’t say this part aloud) followed by anger and tuning out everything else the other person is saying. Why do people say this? Why can’t my emotional baggage and problems be just that, my problems. Everyone always wants to talk about how we shouldn’t compare money, bodies, jobs, opportunities, etc. But when it comes to problems all of a sudden it’s you against the other seven billion people in the world. And let’s be honest…. it’s really hard to compete with the starving kids in Africa.

My suggestion, to myself and everyone else who has this problem, is to own your fucking problems. Let that baggage be as heavy as it needs to be and unpack it when you’re ready. I don’t mean you have to sit in a pit of despair and only think about the people who have wronged you. However, I do mean that you’re allowed to feel what you feel no matter how big or small it seems to other people. You have money problems? That fucking sucks, feel it anyways. You have relationship problems? Cry as much as you need and don’t listen to a single person that says “you did this to yourself” (even if there’s a slight chance you did). You hate your job, your car won’t start and the house is a pig sti? It is okay to feel whatever way you feel, stressed, angry, sad, hopeless, however it comes.

I am tired of people ranting and raving about everyone picking everyone else up. The truth is, when it comes time for everyone to listen to someone else talk about their issues we can’t be objective listeners. I think that’s pretty shitty of us, I mean who are we to tell our best friend “honestly, it’s not that bad”. Do you think that’s helpful? I sure don’t. Next time someone comes to you with a problem, even if you think it’s so small that it would make a single speck of sand look huge, listen anyways. And I meant actually listen. Don’t sit there and half-ass it. Imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes, consider that maybe this one single problem is affecting their entire life in ways you can’t see. And then, let that person have their problems. Consider language like “I can see how that might be difficult for you.” or “wow, you’re really strong for being able to deal with all of that.”

It’s not a competition of whose life is the shittiest. But we all have really shitty things happen to us. We should be able to talk to each other and feel safe, rather than afraid or belittled. Be someone’s listener, find your own listener. We are all humans, and all humans have problems. Own them.

Taken from: @sadgirlsclub on Instagram
Big Changes

Big Changes

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Avoiding another day of studying.. imagine that. I am almost through with this semester, and I am running out of energy faster than the days come to an end. But, I’m also trying to drag out these days for as long as possible. See, at the end of this semester I will no longer be a proud Texas resident. In fact, I will become a… como se dice… spaniard.

Starting in January I will be moving halfway across the world to study abroad. HOW EXCITING!!!!! Am I right? Of course, I am. You’d have to be crazy to not be excited about the adventure of a lifetime. But, no one ever talks about the other emotions that come with it. You know, like being scared shitless. 5 months, in a foreign country, speaking a foreign language… and I’m worried about being able to call my mom and finding a book in english. Oh and not to mention the whole, “I’m in college so I’m a broke student” ordeal. Yes, its exciting but also kind of terrifying.

I’m worried for a number of reasons. The first being the fact that I will be living with a host mom. For whatever reason, when I picture the home I will be spending the next five months in I see this very scary, dark, attic type room, with no windows and a miniature door. I realize reading that probably sounds as ridiculous as I felt typing it, but it’s the truth. And I think this stems from fears of feeling trapped, in a foreign country, speaking a foreign language, in an attic. Second, as all people my age are, I’m worried about the cell phone situation. How will I call my mom? or my boyfriend? or… anyone???? Also, the other annoying questions like… how often will I be able to post on social media about my amazing spanish life. To be honest, I don’t really have any answers for these questions and to be quite frank neither does AT&T. Lastly, i’m worried about being homesick. Yes for the obvious reasons, like home will be a bit farther away than a hop, skip, and 8 hour drive. But also because I won’t really even have the option to go home. Not only that but I am not the most social person in the world. In fact, I’d be willing to say I spend most of my day in my room, enjoying my own company. However, in Spain you’re not allowed to have other people in your home so to be with friends (or speak english) you have to go out and be…. social. YIKES! I’m sure it’s doable but I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Despite my worries, I am so freaking excited. I can’t wait to see all the things, and taste all the foods, and meet all the people. I cannot wait to experience another culture. Wish me luck, send good vibes and all that jazz. I am excited to share my stories and experiences!

Introducing Me

Introducing Me

by emmapace ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Readers,
I write this assuming there are some of you, somewhere, actually reading the words that I am typing. I’m currently sitting in a brightly lit lecture hall, tuning out the incredibly intelligent man droning on and on in front of me. Will I fail the next exam? It’s possible! I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Anyways, you may have guessed it by now but if not I’m a college student. I go to a really amazing university deep in the heart of the middle of nowhere. 8 hours away from all of the people I adore. So, it gets lonely sometimes but the introverted side of me knows how comforting being alone is. I am studying psychology, which hopefully will show in my blog posts to follow as I navigate the inner workings of my brain and emotions. Then again, I’m not holding my breath.

I have a really awesome boyfriend, who I am sure will make an appearance in my posts and most likely (hopefully) be a devoted fan of my writing. I think I can also count on my mom and bestfriend to correct my spelling errors (at the very least). I’ll write more about them soon.

This the part where I talk about why I am starting a blog. I have tried numerous times to blog in the past, but I am my own harshest critic. Needless to say, my posts never stayed up for more than a few days and with that came the feelings of stupidity, embarrassment, and judgement. Since then I have grown a little bit and come to learn that… no one gives a f**k about me as much as I think they do. The woman at the supermarket has no idea that I post on a blog, nor does she care that I spelled the word embarrassment wrong. Twice. Thank you, spell check. I’ve also learned that overall it makes me feel… better and more relieved. And if I do have readers, even if it’s just one person, I hope that maybe you can connect with my stories and find a little hope in them. Or whatever it is you need to make yourself feel better.

I’ll try my best to not let things get too dark and twisty but, I do intend to be as genuine as possible. I would love to invite you all to my fantasy land where things are all sunshine and rainbows but, we all know real life isn’t that easy. Figuring that out can be crappy to say the least. I guess life would be boring if we didn’t have problems… right? I’ll pretend that you nodded your head.

For lack of better parting words I’ll end my first post with this: thank you for reading all the way to the end of this somewhat unorganized jumble of thoughts I have placed on the internet. Here’s hoping this blog lasts just a bit longer than the previous one.